There are times when I’ve thought that I’ve done all that Oklahoma has to offer. It’s been three years, after all. Surely I’ve not missed out on any cultural experience that I might have needed to have, right? And then I go and prove myself wrong by doing something like attending the Okie Noodling Tournament in Pauls Valley, Oklahoma.

Noodling is an insane, ridiculous “sport” that is (essentially) fishing for catfish without a pole or a line. You just reach yer hand there into that there underwater hole and pull out what ya can. Yes, friends, people lose fingers doing this, as other things live in catfish holes, like SNAPPING TURTLES AND ALLIGATORS. In this tournament (held at Paul’s Valley High School, no less), noodlers have 24 hours to fish statewide and get back to Pauls Valley in time for the weigh-in on Saturday night. Winner of each division (men’s, women’s, and under 18) gets a cash prize … with which they pay their medical bills, I guess. Also, a lovely lady is crowned the Noodling Queen. You read that correctly, yes.

So here I am holding a giant catfish, because I couldn’t say no to the little ten-year-old  in the background who looked at me and said, “Do you wanna hold one?!”